This biblical picture will make sense later.  Right now it's just kind of funny.

Note: All innuendo in this post is purely intentional, any unintentional innuendo is probably open for Freudian interpretation.

In all fairness I should have just called this post “size matters,” or (in classic Cosmo come on fashion) “Does size matter” since i am talking about big things. If at this point your thinking i mean big wines figuratively, like in Barolo, you’re sorely mistaken, because i mean actual big wines (and glasses).

Now as for my personal philosophy on size i believe there is good big, bad big, and just, well, garbage. Wine is no different, going from an object of desire, to something you’d probably kick out of bed.

For the average wine lover big tends to mean better, and to prove this at one point someone combed the pages of history, along with the bible, to find the most ridiculous names to give large format bottles. After the rather prosaic magnum you have Jeroboam (4 bottles), Rehoboam (6 bottles), Methuselah (8 bottles), Salmanazar (12 bottles), Balthazar (16 bottles), Nebuchadnezzar (20 bottles), Melchior (24 bottles), and, the blandly titled sovereign 33.3 3 bottles (what Abaddon wasn’t available? (Cthulu hadn’t been written about yet? Oh wait it hadn’t)).

the year is wrong, as is the actual wine, but the producer and size are just right.
Ridge Geyserville Zinfandel, 1.5 liters, Sonoma County 75 Dollars US

Now after that i feel a bit inadequate because instead of tracking down 2 cases of wine is a single bottle, all i drank was a magnum, which is the perfect size for a group thing (sorry). i have to admit at this point that i lied earlier when i told you i wasn’t writing about a figurative big wine, because this wine is, in fact, big in the mouth (that’s as far as i am willing to go with the jokes, so you can stop here if that’s what you were after). Now it has been said that wines in magnums will age better due to less exposure to oxygen in the bottle, thus giving them more time to take on complex notes. i can’t attest to that, since six years for a zin is pretty average, but i can say this was the best bottle of zin i have yet drank, with mulled spices complimenting dried fruit, and a good tannic backstructure to balance the substantial body.

i would say this is phallic, but really have you ever seen one that looks like that?
Riedel Burgundy Grand Cru, Austria, 95 Dollars US

Pop psychology tells us that cars are often used for overcompensation, so if the gearhead tends towards the hummer, perhaps the oenophile favors the Riedel Sommelier Series for um…you know. I was recently given a burgundy grand cru glass as a gift from my wife (not even going to make the joke) and can attest that having one of these makes one feel pretty cool. The glass itself is massive, holding more than a standard big gulp (or hessian gulp if you will) at 37 ounces, secondly it comes in its own case, and thirdly it does add at least something to act of drinking. Now i don’t know if the glass actually aids in the tasting of wine as much as people claim (and lord you should read some of the prose dedicated to , which i can safely relagate to the annals of wine mysticism along with wines will take on rose flavors if you plant roses near the grapes), but i will say that the glass certainly adds to the event quality of opening that special bottle of wine (or if you’re just feeling bad about yourself).

What to eat: Something big and grilled, or something roasted for hours. I did braised beef from Julia Child

What to listen to: Something big and flashy, when that was still cool. Purple Rain or Thriller.

Where to buy: Ridge, Riedel

~ by Cory Cartwright on August 9, 2008.

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