I Feel Obligated to do a “Thanksgiving Wine Pairing Post”

Any lazy wine blogger (or professional for that matter) knows that amongst the throwaway articles for the year (best of lists, predictions on what’s hot, any article about malbec in Aregentina) the best and easiest to write is the “Thanksgiving” article, which pretends to tell people exactly how to pair wine Thanksgiving dinner. So i’m throwing my hat in the ring this year, except i’m going to come right out and say it:

Every other Thanksgiving wine pairing article is fucking lying to you. This is the real deal. i feel the following list should cover everything you need to know.

1. Thanksgiving Dinner has a lot of Food

That’s right. Thanksgiving dinner has a lot of food to pair with wine, which is going to make it hard to do. Fucking up the wine pairing will ruin the meal, so don’t fuck it up.

2. Turkey? Ham? Duck?

What meat you’re having will influence the choice of wine more than almost everything, except for that asshole who’s going to show up at your place with something too spicy and all your hard work will be for naught. So don’t even worry about this and instead try to have guests you trust instead.

3. Something Red?

Sure, you can drink red wine. It oftentimes goes with food.

4. Something White?

Like red wine, white wine is a popular drink with food. i may even suggest a red and a white to mix things up. Rose, however, is a big no-no.

5. Something Bold?

It is oftentimes suggested that you go with something “bold” to match all the flavors in a traditional Thanksgiving meal. What this means is left up to you, though if you’re thinking high alcohol, go with whiskey. It’ll speed up the inevitable family fight.

6. Something Sweet?

Another popular suggestion, but a wrong one. Don’t drink something sweet. Just imagine sitting for several hours with a sweet glass of wine in front of you. Enough said.

7. Something acidic?

Acidic wines go with food. Or so i’m told.

8. Champagne?

Fuck yeah, Champagne. Everyone knows that Thanksgiving is better than Christmas so why not celebrate this fact. Does it pair with the food? Who cares. You’ll quickly slide into misanthropy once the black friday store opening videos get on the news the next day, so cheers!

8. Shiraz?

Don’t drink shiraz.

9. The Next Malbec?

Figure out what the next semi obscure French variety being grown in god knows where is going to be hot (i’m calling it for carmenere) and serve that. It probably won’t be any good, but folks will be envious.

10. Drink American?

When someone says something about drinking American in a context like this, they are just talking about Zinfandel. They get to use the word “quintessential’ a few times, talk about the founding of our nation, the story of American wine, the origins of zinfandel etc. It’s great filler, plus how often do you read “if Ridge is too expensive for you, there are other great options.”

11. Drink European?

This one practically writes itself. Feel free to use this one on your own blog:
“Is it OK to bring something European to the quintessential American holiday?”
“Well Thanksgiving has always been about the meeting the of culture [instert anecdote about Eastern European/Asian/Other/French food being seen at a Thanksgiving and how it enhanced the meal/deepened the meaning of the holiday for everyone. If you don’t have an anecdote, make one up.] so yes, i don’t see why not.”

12. Barolo?

i’m calling Barolo as my oddball wine pairing for Thanksgiving. i’ll give you reasons in the form of “it may seem like an odd choice for the Thanksgiving table, but Barolo…” later, but i’m staking my claim to it right now.

13. Beaujoulais Nouveau?

Just because it is released close to Thanksgiving does not make this a smart choice.

14. Most Importantly

It’s the holidays! So if you screw this up you have only yourself to blame since you’ll be too filled with goodwill to blame me.

~ by Cory Cartwright on November 12, 2009.