The Second Annual I Feel Obligated to do a “Thanksgiving Wine Pairing Post”

For a second year in a row every other publication that is doing a throwaway Thanksgiving Wine Pairing article is full of shit and/or liars. This, folks, is the genuine article. Sure i did the same thing last year with wildly different choices, but disregard those because, as we all know, Thanksgiving dinner changes enough from year to year to require us all to sit down and put serious thought into what we’re going to drink. So here it is, without further ado, the only relevant Thanksgiving Wine post you need.

1. Thanksgiving has a lot of flavors, can one wine cover everything?

Don’t be an idiot. Of course not. But if i was going to recommend one single wine, it would be a high end California syrah because, hell, someone has to drink it and i don’t want it to be me.

2. Tighten your belts, buy something cheap.

We wine/food writers like to write about trends going on the food world that seem to mirror trends going on the larger world. The worst of these are the “glaringly fucking obvious” trends, like “in a down economy, people spend less on luxury items, even food.” No shit, they pay you for this? Worse still is when they suggest everyone do this in some sort of solidarity with people actually having a hard time, like spending 3 dollars less on wine and being a laid off 50 something factory worker is actually somehow level in any universe. So yeah, grab a ten dollar bottle of wine and tell your friends something about the economy.

3. Something from [insert unknown wine region]

Seriously, they sent me samples last week and they’re advertisers here at saignee. The wine sucks and i haven’t done any research on them besides glancing at the press release, but they’ll go great with your dinner, i’m sure.

4. Beaujoulais

It’s still cool, right? If not, pick up something cooler.

5. What if i’m planning to cook something non-traditional.

Don’t. Your guests will be all “wow, i never thought of that for Thanksgiving” and you’ll think it’s a compliment but they’ll secretly be pissed you ruined their Thanksgiving.

6. Serve a red and a white!

Seriously, this counts as professional wine advice.

7. Something American

No matter what, no Thanksgiving wine pairing advice would be complete without mentioning that Thanksgiving is the quintessentially American meal and you should probably drink something American, even though Pilgrims were not drinking California Pinot. Also something something contentious election, America, Tea Party, economy etc. These things write themselves!

8. Sparkling wine

i suggest a sparkling wine from somewhere you might not have known they make sparkling wine, in addition to a Champagne, and something like Champagne but not from Champagne. i feel that has me covered.

9. The wine that’s in all the place setting shots on saignee

They pay to have the wine there and once in a while we like to check them in print as well.

10. Riesling

Only make sure it’s not from Germany. Germany requires the winemakers to put the entire text of Mann’s The Magic mountain on each label. It’s all very confusing and your guests will leave baffled and sober.

11. Dry white wine.

Again, this qualifies as professional advice.

12. Winemakers pairing

To get a different opinion we asked famous American winemaker/wine personality/guy in that James Suckling video [insert winemakers name here] his opinion on what wine to drink (he’s rich and can afford Grand Cru Burgundy so what he is actually drinking isn’t what he recommends for you). He told us, surprisingly Merlot, from a friend of his Great pick, but we’d also go with his wine! (he’s also an advertiser).

13. Cider

Did you know that early Americans were big cider drinkers and up until the…actually our editor said cider was too weird a pairing. Instead we’re going to have a series of articles in the coming weeks from famous coastal “mixologists” featuring some trendy cane sugar spirit nobody will remember in two months. Happy holidays!

(On a more serious note, I urge you to read Steve Edmunds short piece over on Alice Feiring’s blog: http://www.alicefeiring.com/blog/2010/11/ive-been-a-fan-of-steve-edmunds-wine-ever-since-he-made-new-world-red-in-the-80s-the-wines-just-always-spoke-to-me-he-has-h.html)

~ by Cory Cartwright on November 8, 2010.

5 Responses to “The Second Annual I Feel Obligated to do a “Thanksgiving Wine Pairing Post””

  1. Dear God, it’s like a hilarious nightmare from my actual life. Stop that.

  2. Are those James Suckling videos a joke? I keep seeing them, and keep thinking that someone has great sense of humour and is about to get sued, or that I’m missing another vital social cue. AGH!

  3. Thor:

    Thanks again for all the support you’ve given me in my latest bout with brain cancer. You’re a far kinder and more generous guy than I ever thought you were and I have to apologize for not being respectful in the past.

    Cory:

    Are you going to become a generic wine commentator! I’m dismayed! Get back some spirit and oomph…..we need you back!

    • I’m just having some fun here Joe. I’ve been too serious lately! I’m drinking good wines and not really putting too much thought in it besides that right now.

  4. I would imagine that if one is being paid by the word, “Drink whatever the fuck you want!” won’t really cover the rent. But still…

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